Friendships and Healing

Tonight, I witnessed God's power of healing right before my eyes. It wasn't necessarily instant healing, but God was present. It really was a great experience. Also, it was a reminder of how wonderful and powerful God really is. One thing I learned was that while praying for healing you don't have to ask for it. Instead, you declare that they are healed, because that's the power we have as children of God. Or I believe it was something like that, heh.

On another note, I've been feeling kinda down lately and without my brothers being around it's a lot harder to snap out of my "emo-ness". School sucks. I've been fighting to keep my grades higher than a measly 86%, and with one stupid test all I've worked for seems to have gone down the drain. It's so easy to drop in percentage yet soo hard to raise it. argh.

On top of that I feel like I've lost my close friends. I know friends come and go, but I actually thought that our friendship would last longer than this. When everything changed for you in the summer, I had a feeling that we wouldn't be as close as friends anymore. You told me likewise, you said that it wouldn't change anything and that we would still hang out and talk like we always did. But you seemed to have proven yourself wrong. I haven't talked to you in over a month or so. Heck, I actually haven't talked to anyone on msn, for what feels like months, until yesterday. I guessed i stopped trying to strike a conversation with you because I realized that you only talk to me when no one else is around. When others are around you ignore me. Plus, when I found out you actually knew the answer when I asked you but you decided to pretend like you didn't, it hurt.

Then there's you. I don't know why we haven't talked in so long. I miss your awkwardness, and the way you look at me when people bring up j. haha it's kinda of annoying because it seems like you want me to have a big reaction. anyways... I don't know what happen.

Don't you hate it when you spend so much time and effort trying to be friends with a group of people. Then you realize that you never really were their friend in the first place? You feel like such a fool for being so open with them, hoping that in return they would open up to you, but no. They stay closed up and act fake. They don't see you as a friend. Never were.

Anyways, props to you who actually read this...haha I usually only blog when I'm mad/sad. I miss my brothers. I'm tired. I'm stressed about school. I hate the way I feel right now. I'm big. People make fun of me too much that sometimes it makes me feel sad. It makes me feel really stupid. Please stop. I'm mad. THERES NO ONE TO TALK TO. I can't spell. You make me feel stupid. I'm awelkjsldkfj9q23klsdfsdfsd pooo. I just spilled everything that was bothering me..i'm so subtle.

GOOD NIGHT